PROCESSING MY EMOTIONS TO REACH A STATE OF FORGIVENESS

As a Senior Coach of YOU University, I have the privilege of going through program for a second time after graduating 9 years ago.

I am at a different emotional and spiritual place at this time. Still, some deep stuff has surfaced as I do the YOU University exercises (coupled with my awareness and practice of A Course in Miracles spiritual principles).

YOU University defines FORGIVENESS as: "To Give Love As Before", whereas the Course defines FORGIVENESS as: "Forgiveness recognizes what I thought my brother did to me has not occurred." Basically, both agree that it's about seeing and extending love, not judgment nor condemnation. As I visited the past and wrote love letters to my ex-husband, I found such a block to forgiving him. I recognized I was still stuck in the past, holding him guilty of his sexual, emotional and physical abuse during our marriage.

Feelings of anger and hate surfaced as I wrote a love letter to him. How could he pass away (last November) without making amends to me and our children? How could he never take responsibility for all that he did?

I cried as I processed my feelings through the letter steps, realizing that as long as I held him in that place of unforgiveness, I was also holding myself guilty, since I participated in that situation.

So I sat with this. I asked Spirit to help me get past this and be able to return to love (for him and myself). But, how could I see him as innocent? I felt Spirit gently remind me that all that was required of me was to be willing and Spirit would do the rest.

I wrote another love letter to him....this time I felt a sense of peace and understanding towards him. A much, much better place to be. I am willing to choose to see this all differently.....with Spirit's Help.